Requiem For a Dream

Her nails

2007-12-03T06:19:00.000+08:00

I love amy's red finger nails.

Untitled

2007-03-06T04:26:00.000+08:00

其實入返黎之前有啲膽心個 blog 會冇左，宜家發現好彩仲係度，完整無缺。原來對上一次認真 update 呢個 blog 已經係 06 年 1 月 30 號既事，話咁快又過左超過一年... 雖然分別係 06 年 6 月 30 號同 11 月 17 號都有 update，但性質都只係為左令個 blog 唔好因為太耐冇 update 而俾 Google close down。

點解咁耐冇寫無端端又寫返？我都唔清楚... 只係覺得有啲心事好想講但又唔知同邊個講，咁咪唯有寫出黎，寫完都係 nothing's solved，但起碼我個腦可以 move on 去諗第二啲野。或者應該咁講，一路諗一路寫出黎可以令我清楚自己究境諗緊啲乜，而唔係好多好多冇組織既思維，一次過一大堆諗法只會令自己越諗越亂，組織下再寫出黎我諗會俾到啲 direction 我，確定左自己煩緊啲乜就可以俾自己去諗解決方法，解決到既就去解決，解決唔到就由佢，總之 at the end of the day，都係想幫自己 move on。

當然，點解寫 blog 有好多原因，點解唔寫亦有好多原因... 寫既可能係想得到人地注意，唔夠膽冇機會講既可以寫出黎，或者可以 impress 到一兩個人... 又或者好似花樣年華咁，同揾個樹窿講哂啲野冇乜分別。唔寫既可能係因為根本冇野寫，又或者唔識寫，什至可能連寫都唔夠膽寫。Anyway，我諗寫 blog 既都唔係有啲心事就係有啲 insecure，唔寫既人其實可能都開心啲。呀唔應該咁講，寫開既雖然可能都係有啲心事，但一樣可以好開心，就好似我啱啱開似呢個 blog 既事候咁。

開始呢個 blog，停止寫呢個 blog，再寫返呢個 blog，都係因為同一個人...

對於寫 blog，其中有個 issue 我一直都冇固定立場，亦一直都係考慮中，就係應該用書面語定白話。今日我決定用白話因為我真係想最直接咁寫出自己諗乜，我係香港人，廣東話係我母語，it's that simple。又唔係要登報紙交功課，做乜要用書面語？

寫住咁多先。

Music Career

2006-11-17T07:50:00.000+08:00

I need to pursue a music career in London. I will pursue a music career in London. Influences Pulp Suede Placebo.

Finding Neverland

2006-06-30T04:29:00.000+08:00

Finding Neverland
Directed by Marc Foster

很久沒看過一部完場後會全場拍掌的電影，《Finding Neverland》是其中一部，也是本人心目中04年的最佳電影。假如你想在農曆新年得到一份利是錢以外的收獲，《Finding Neverland》是不二之選。

故事講述在1904年的英國，由型佬Johnny Depp飾演的蘇格蘭作家Sir James Matthew Barrie怎樣遇到由Kate Winslet飾演的寡婦和她的四個孩子的家庭而引發他創作出童話經典《小飛俠》。

1904年的英國社會風氣仍是十分保守的，故事有趣的地方就是看Sir Barrie怎樣不顧社會的壓力，堅決繼續和一個寡婦的家庭交往，還有在所有人也不看好的情況下堅決完成《小飛俠》，最後得到空前成功。雖然故事的背景是 20世界初，但類似的事今時今日還在不斷發生，所以觀眾不會出現不能投入的感覺，相反看得份外感動。

電影的tagline是“unlock your imagination”，那麼電影的主題當然是要觀眾明白不要被現有規條所限而放膽嘗試，這也解譯了為何此片在香港這個金錢掛帥的文化沙漠會大受好評，因為它正能夠足住香港人對香港文化發展的失望，我想Twins或Boy’z擁躉有空時寧看鄭中基也不會選《Finding Neverland》吧。導演Marc Foster處理這部電影也十分恰到好處，在令觀眾理解電影的訊息之餘也不會刻意過份謆情令人感到吃不消，Marc Foster也懂得在適當的時候加上適當的笑料令人不會感到沉悶。最令我深刻的場面是當Sir Barrie和妻子各自返會房間時，妻子打開門進入的是黑暗的空間，相反Sir Barrie眼前的則是一片非州大草園。不用大費篇幅，一個簡單的場面便能把電影的主題深深的道出來。

演員方面，不是說Johnny Depp演得不好，但相比起《The Aviator》的Leonardo DiCaprio發揮幾會則少很多。相反小演員Freddie Highmore的演出則非常搶鏡，但荷李活實在有太多好演員了，他未來的發展會否順利還須看他的運氣。

Finding Neverland雖然是低成本小品制作，但它比起《The Aviator》這些超級大片卻能更觸動我的心靈。非常可悲的是電影因為缺乏宣傳而票房慘淡。趁電影還未落畫快些去買票吧！告訢發行商你已看膩了荷李活的典形暴力特技片，你已看膩了香港的垃圾喜劇！我們要的是好電影，不是Keanu Reeves來香港說恭喜發財，不是Matrix加無間道加Exorcists，更加不要鄭中基扮小醜！

The Aviator

2006-06-30T04:00:00.001+08:00

The Aviator (2004)
Directed by
Martin Scorsese

在奧斯卡奪得 11 項提名的《The Aviator》明副其實是一套為了在奧斯卡大放異彩而拍的電影。近乎完美的攝影、配樂、燈光、演員表現、宣傳，加上大明星 Leonardo DiCaprio 和大導演 Martin Scorsese，使《The Aviator》成為一套極之成功的商業電影。但在個人而言，The Aviator 不會是本人心目中本年 (美國上映計) 的最佳電影。

電影講述了有關美國傳奇人物 Howard Hughes 的大半生，由最初他怎樣在荷李活電影業得到成功，以至他後來進運航空事業和一生的起跌也有一一交待，還有他跟女星 Katherine Hepburn和 Ava Gardna的一段段引人入性的情史。

事實上《The Aviator》的確是充滿娛樂性，絕無悶場的精彩之作，片長三個小時內筆著居然完全沒有看過手錶！全片節奏明快，整體故事清楚，加上 Martin Scorsese 這個天才巧妙的配撘，《The Aviator》在各大頒獎禮中光芒四射也是可以理解的。

技術上，《The Aviator》的確是近乎完美，在燈光、美術設計和攝影鏡頭下此片的人物性格刻畫和氣氛凝造非常出色，例如當 Howard Hughes 把自己一個人困在放映室時，一排排的紅椅和怪異的音樂便給人一種莫名奇妙的壓逼感，還有放映室內不斷播放 Howard Hughes 製作的成功舊片，便能反映他那不願面對眼前失敗的性格。最另我讚嘆的是 Martin Scorsese 居然想得出以漸變顏色來把過去和現代分開，由 two-tone Technicolor 變成電影後段的 three-tone Technicolor。另外，一些飛行和撞機場面也拍得非常逼真刺激。

演員們也演得極為出色，已憑此片奪得金球獎最佳男演員的Leonardo DiCaprio 絕對有資格奪得奧斯卡影帝。聽說是他提出開拍此片的，所以可以明白他應該對 Howard Hughes 的一生和心理非常了解，否則他的演譯不會這麼全神。除了主角，配角們亦有不俗的表現，由 Cate Blanchett 飾演的 Katherine Hepburn 和 Kate Beckinsale飾演的 Ava Gardner 也演得非常神似。

雖然《The Aviator》有很多出色的地方，但並不代表它沒有它的弊病。個人認為，三個小時對 Howard Hughes 的一生實在不足夠，三個小時去寫一個普通人或許可以，但 Howard Hughes？Come on。由於片長的關係令此片在劇情上事件不能作深入的描寫，整部電影沒有什麽令人太深刻的場面，因為觀眾剛投入便已跳到另一件事情。這些描述傳奇人物一生的電影，我想以電視劇或分開數集推出會比較適合。

最可怕的是墜機的一幕，Howard Hughes傷得不堪，沒死之餘還居然能在這麽短的時間內康復得這麼無缺，實在不能令人信服。另外，有些關於 Howard Hughes的疑問電影也沒有解譯清楚，例如他為何會不斷重複同一句說話。當然，這並不一定是壞事，例如電影的話尾便能令人留下很多思考和幻想的空間。

整體來說，《The Aviator》是一部在各方面都極之出色的商業電影，在奧斯卡擇下三五個獎項應該絕無問題。但由於劇情拉得太開的關係，《The Aviator》不會是我心目中的最佳電影。最佳電影我還是會選擇 Finding Neverland。當然，我還末有幾會欣嘗《Sideways》、《Million Dollar Baby》、《Ray》這些得到極高評價的作品。

Silence

2006-01-30T03:10:00.000+08:00

Silence is golden.

I am not going to say, nor explain anything anymore. Just keep silent and let things flow.

I am jaded. Thank you to everyone who love me. I love you guys too. I really do... Without you people I guess I might have commited suicide. However, I'm a loser who never learn.

Listened to some Chinese pop songs in mom's car... Haven't listened to Chinese pop music since discovering the realm of European rock and roll... but listening to them now some actually have quite a nice melody and the lyrics are very well written.

You grow me like an evergreen You have never seen the lonely me at all (II)

2006-01-20T20:38:00.000+08:00

因為父母的關係，我害怕結婚，甚至害怕對任可關係作出承諾。我喜觀挑情曖昧的感覺，那樣我不會孤單，亦不會因為太接近而感到害怕。但跟她在一起的那種幸福甜蜜的感覺是不是用言語所能表達的，在我的生命中從未有感受這種幸福。我愛她。很愛很愛。她對於我比起所有事情所有人什至自己都重要。我很清楚那種愛是可以令人放棄所有的那一種。她的舉手投足，她的每一個笑容，她為我做的每一件事即使很微不足道，例如是綁鞋帶或是替我把衣領整理好也令我感到無比的溫暖及幸福。她是個心靈虛弱而且迷失的女孩，一直以來我渴望進入她的內心解開她的心結，我渴望能幫她再次站起來，我希望給予她力量，令她明白自己有多美麗，令她學會愛自己。我希望能盡我的所有去保護她，不要再讓她受到傷害，我要她成為世上最幸福的女人。

跟她在一起，我知道她就是我命中的那一個。因為愛，我的生命得到了重量。我知我不再是孤單一人，我知道為了她，為了我們的將來我要更加為自己努力。我希望能賺足夠的錢買一雙漂亮的戒指親手套上她那纖幼的無名指上然後每天都跟她說我愛你。法拉利及歐洲生活已變得不再重要。我仍然希望再次踏上歐洲，但只限跟她一人。沒有她，多貴的跑車，賺多少錢活在那裹過怎樣的生活也不再重要，沒有意義。她令我明白原來幸福很簡單，有一份穩定的工作，每天下班都能回家看見所愛的人已是最快樂的事情。

無論我的將來是一個怎樣的世界，她都一定會是我坐命中最重要的其中一人，她的確令我成熟了很多。雖然傷過痛過，但我仍然認為我是最幸福的，因為我仍然青春，仍然能夠義無反顧的去享受愛。

At last... Frozena... you're very very beautiful...

You grow me like an evergreen You have never seen the lonely me at all (I)

2006-01-20T18:55:00.000+08:00

終於有機會認真的update這個blog。

一個人待在黑暗的房間望着黑暗的天空，才明白到自己的寂寞。以往我是一個喜歡獨來獨往，懂得擁抱寂寞的人，但最近發生的事，令我更加清楚了解這個世界及真正的自己。原來所有人千方百計追求的幸福原來只是很簡單的一回事；原來身邊有很多一直沒有離棄我的好朋友；原來我仍很年青；原來靑春是這麽美好燦爛的回事，而靑春亦令我嚐到真正的愛情。原來世界仍有很多美好的事情等着去成為我人生的目標；最意想不到的是原來一直以來我都在渴望着幸福的家庭生活…這種體會亦同時令我明白到原來失去了青春，失去了感受愛的能力的人是多麼的悲哀…

一直以來從小到大跟身邊的朋友也不算十分投契，總是不明白為何他們會為完全沒有娛樂價值的事情笑過不停；不明白為何他們的世界那麼狹窄；思想那麽膚淺。身邊的朋友好像都是沒有腦袋似的，什至連自己的爸爸在我眼中也只是一個樣子長得比較老誠的小孩子(事實上他的確是)。

因為本身的態度及家庭環境的關係，長久以來我是活在自己沒有任何壓力的世界內的，以至生命變得很輕… 太過輕…不明白究竟為了什麼而活，更不明白為什麼要跟其他人一樣讀書工作。想找尋自己認為理想的生活，希望到歐洲流浪，在歐洲的街頭彈結他賺些收入，再到河邊邊釣魚邊吹口風琴，多麼浪漫的生活… 抑或是幻想要二十五歲前賺多少錢買法拉利做個有錢有品有風度的公子…

曾經一度沉迷在虛擬的網上世界，潛意識希望在網上世界找到生命的重量，運用自己理性思考及說話技巧來建立存在感。的而且確在沉迷網上世界的那段日子我學會了很，網上討論區只是一個社會的縮影，你會遇到很多不同的人不同的事，有些成熟，有些則十分幼稚，在你不斷成長的同時，你會發現有些人這麼多年來都是說着同樣的說話做着相同的行為，好像是沒有長大過似的，可笑的是這堆人當中很多已經由中學生變成大學生甚至已經在體驗社會。是他們太慢？邊是我太快？

長大了。成熟了。漸漸離開了這個虛擬世界。體驗到真正生命的重量才發現原來一直希望擁有的並不是什麼空姐女友、法拉利或浪子生活…而是跟最愛的人過些簡簡單單但幸福的家庭生活…

Be right back

2006-01-15T20:16:00.000+08:00

Haven't updated this blog for a long time. Many things happened recently which changed a lot of my attitudes toward life but right now I can't update this blog the way I wish due to some technical problems. I'll be right back. Thanks for everything guys, you know who you are... especially Judy, thanks for all your support. I was really touched when I read your blog. Thank you.

My Gemini

2005-12-27T22:03:00.000+08:00

我相信星座。我相信水瓶座跟雙子座的確是天造地設的一對。

水瓶座位在黃道十一宮掌管著人際關係與群體生活，不過受到守護星天王星與土星的影響，水瓶坐在群體中顯的有些孤僻，雖然他們很和善，雖然他們朋友一堆，但是他們總是習慣和人保持距離，很少有人能真正進入瓶子心底，保持一種疏離與孤獨的感覺對瓶子來說是必要的，適合水瓶座的星座包括了雙子、獅子、射手。

很準確呢...

Merry Christmas

2005-12-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

This is the worst Christmas I ever had. My girlfriend disappeared...

因為你深情呼喚我的名字

2005-12-16T01:57:00.000+08:00

「我愛你，因為你經常叫我的名字。

這表示：

一你經常想到我。

二你希望引起我的注意。

三你沒有把我和別人搞混。

四「寶貝」、「甜心」……這類暱稱可以套在任何人身上，但是我的名字只能用在我一個身上。

聽見你呼喚我的名字，這比千百句「我愛你」都還要令我感動，因為我在你深情的語氣中聽見了你的在乎。

我喜歡你叫我的名字，更喜歡你叫我的名字的方式 - 只有情人，才可以把這麼簡短的兩個字叫得如此曖昧。」

再危險，你都讓我覺得安全

2005-12-16T01:33:00.000+08:00

「我愛你，因為我一下子就被熱烈的感覺淹沒，但出人意料上外，我一點也不為此感到擔憂。

「愛」雖然經常被當成一個正面的字眼，但往往也會在愛人心目中引起許多悲觀的想法。

太愛一個人是很危險的事，你會聯想到他的衰老、他的離開、他的死亡、他的快樂與不快樂。

要是失去了他，你該怎麼辦？兩個人在一起縱然很幸福，但誰能保證明天也能和今天一樣幸福？

站土巔峰之後，人難免會開始害怕墜落，這就是愛這個字眼發揮它正面力量的時候了。

所謂愛情，不只是一種沖昏頭的感覺，而是當你真正體認到他的衰老、他的離開、他的死亡、他的快樂與不快樂之後，你都依然可以敞開胸懷，義無反顧的去愛。

即使站在最危險的地方，你都依然可以覺得安全；因為你知道當你向下墜落以後，會有一雙溫暖的手拉著你一起飛。」

我愛你的100個理由

2005-12-14T23:29:00.000+08:00

今天又再一個人逛書局，花了六十元買了一本「我愛你的100 個理由」。我也不明白為什麼我會花錢在這些沒什麼實際用途的書本上，事實上在對面正好有本什麼說話技巧攻心計也許能對我日後的處事能力十分有幫助，但我卻比較對「我愛你的100個理由」有興趣，也許是它那漂亮的封面吸引了我，而我亦十分喜歡它在序裡對愛上一個人的解釋。離開書局便極速把它一口氣讀完，發現… I love this book。雖然我很喜歡這本書，但在旁的「戀愛必勝守則」我卻一定不會買，什至連看的時間也會慳掉，因為我深信戀愛是沒有所謂守則的，更不應把戀愛變得那麼策略性，否則我們只是在玩遊戲，也許會玩得很成功，但卻不能真正的感受戀愛。

這本書的自序寫得很好，亦是令我購買這本書的其中一個原因。

「愛上一個人，何須理由？

「我愛你只因為你是你。」愛是這麼的蠻橫霸道、莫名其妙。沒有理由，也不要你管。

然而反過來想，愛一個人的理由，豈止千百個？

當你愛上一個人的時候，你會愛他的外表，也愛他的內在，愛他的優點，也同時愛他的缺點，愛他的現在，也愛他的過去和未來……，當你愛上一個人的時候，愛無所不在，隨意俯拾，皆是理由。

愛人的感覺如此美好，我們怎麼能用一句「沒有理由」就匆匆帶過？

被愛的滋味如此奇妙，我們怎麼能夠得過且過，放任愛情不明究理地在我們身上來來去去？」

愛一個人並不是沒有理由，只是有太多太多理由。事實上當真正愛上一個人的時候，他的所有都是理由以至根本說不出任何一個理由。這本書令我一邊讀一邊會心微笑，有很多理由都好像似曾相識。經過那麼多風雨，經過不斷等待，不斷受傷害，有很多感覺經已變淡什至完全失去，但慶幸有些感覺還全在，而我亦清楚自己所感受過的究竟是什麼。

由今天起我將會不定期把讓我似曾相識，感受到或曾感受過的理由從「我愛你的100個理由」節錄到這個 blog，讓它見證我的青春及成長。

8th December 2005

2005-12-09T00:54:00.000+08:00

Today is probably one of the most important days of my life.

有焗爐用...

2005-12-04T14:53:00.001+08:00

因為屋企需要裝修的關係所以暫時搬到黃金海岸兩個月。新屋住了數天也問題不大，只是因 router 問題以至不能兩台電腦同時上網。而最正的當然是有焗爐！終於可以在家裡焗蛋糕了！

哈哈哈！

2005-11-30T04:24:00.000+08:00

我估唔到我識左幾年，由做 net friend 開始講心事，之後發展到情侶關係，一直表現得最信任我，一直以黎我最愛最緊張既人會講 D 咁過份，咁冇品既說話。咩叫人性醜惡，咩叫擘大眼講大話，咩叫反轉豬肚，完全表現晒出黎。我根本唔可能相信一個人可以對得住自己良心講 D 咁既野。錯誤訊息？一廂情願？哈哈無條件盡心盡力去幫你借錢俾你個陣就 I love you I love you，宜家書唔駛讀錢又唔需要就係一廂情願既小動作！？係邊個自己廿四小時前先係電話同我講愛我？係邊個求我唔好憎佢？係邊個話同我一齊每一刻都好幸福？係邊個話過最想同我一齊生活？係邊個話過好愛我會為左我放棄佢男朋友？係邊個話有超過 3/4 既心都係我到？你同我仲發生過講過 D 乜我都廢事係度講，我唔想演變到互揭瘡疤，唔想段關係終止得咁醜陋。但今晚咁既野你都講得出，真係要俾個叻你！

我今日終於睇清楚你... 我居然為你做左咁多野... 不過我話過唔會後悔就唔會後悔... 係我係小朋友，至少我仲有愛仲有品格，唔似你個良心腐壞得咁緊要。

喂 Kathy 快 D 借本 Why Men Love Bitches 俾我。

Being with you

2005-11-29T23:03:00.000+08:00

I thought of this little poem while having dinner tonight, this is dedicated to my beloved.

Being with you
there's nothing much I really wanna do
Just close my eyes
and know that you're mine

Don't want anything
and don't wanna think
Don't wanna sleep
and don't wanna eat
Don't wanna die
but just want the night
to cover us till the stars don't shine

江山易改，本性難移

2005-11-29T17:20:00.000+08:00

江山易改，本性難移。有些人當感覺位置受到威脅時，就會改進自己來鞏固自己的地位。也許他會改變數天、數星期什至數個月，但不要對他們有期望。本性懶的始終會懶，可有可無的繼續會是可有可無。

Europe is our Playground?

2005-11-28T23:04:00.000+08:00

自從上次的演出就不斷有朋友要求我給他們傳送及介紹 Suede 的歌曲。Dog Man Star, Coming Up, Suede 這些經典專輯當然少不了。尋找其間在 Sci-Fi Lullabies 看到一首已很久沒聽過十分憂怨淒美的歌曲：Europe is our Playground... 擴音器開始傳出 Brett Anderson 的歌聲，run with me baby... run with me baby... run with me baby...

九型人格愛情

2005-11-28T00:14:00.000+08:00

今天在書局買了本名為「九型人格愛情」的書，內裡有些很有趣而且很準確的人格分析。遲些我會把一些書本內的內容寫上這個 blog，也許能幫助你更認識自己。

Finally over and Thank You...

2005-11-27T22:59:00.000+08:00

多謝女鼓王 Angel，你首鼓好好聽。雖然我知你唔係好 enjoy，但你仍然盡左你最大既努力去為我地每一首歌添上最生動既節奏。玩唔到 I was born to love you 真係好可惜對唔住，我知你好中意呢首歌因為我都好中意。最近先發覺原來同你傾計好舒服，多謝你係我最迷惘既時俾左最有智慧既指導我去面對我既感情問題。當所有人都話我咁做點唔值得，點冇尊嚴既時候，係你教識我 just follow my heart，係你教識我假如放低尊嚴可以令自己舒服 D 其實所為尊嚴根本唔代表 D 乜，係你教識我應該點處理... 對唔住我成日咁慢條斯理，多謝你。

Robert... I'm not sure if you are going to read this or not, but your guitar solo is just fuckin' awesome. Thank you for all your effort you put on Mr Crowley. Without you we won't be able to play such an amazing song. Without you our band is nothing.

Rico I am proud of you. You're not only a really friendly person, a great brother, but also an amazing bassist. Sorry we didn't play Sweet Child, I know I am a selfish brother lol. You have great potential, keep working! Don't give up!

I'm starting to love this Ray Ban shades by the way.

What do you call a local bitch?

2005-11-24T22:18:00.000+08:00

Just found a really interesting xanga: http://www.xanga.com/CAx2
LOL... Not only because of the "理想對象" part, but her whole xanga reveals that she is a fuckin' bitch, the way she writes, the things she wrote, her references to clubbing and fashion brands...everything!

My Baby

2005-11-24T22:09:00.000+08:00

Lets make our remaining days the happiest times of our lives okay? Okay. I really really want to spend at least one saturday night with you... :)

今次我地有緣無份，雖然好多際遇上、性格上既巧合都做就我地，但就係時間上出左問題... 如果我地係有緣既，或者將來上天會憐憫我再俾幾會我地從頭開始過... 係咪？

Well...

2005-11-23T22:15:00.000+08:00

Well I guess I don't have to tell you my story since now we know what each other is thinking. I'm glad that we were so truthful to each other in a peaceful and calm manner. Communication is the most important thing in human relationships afterall. I was kind of disappointed but at least I'm not so confused now...

Sometimes human beings are really strange... You're hunger for love and care, I provided you with what you need and I need you to need me as well; We love each other and had the happiest and sweetest time together. But for some reasons the happier we are and the more I do for u, the further you run away. Too bad I am unable to heal your broken heart. Too bad you don't have the courage to save yourself. Too bad I'm not the only one you love.

Right now I think I'm the best boyfriend on earth for what and how much I did. I'm really proud of myself because I am able to love someone with all of my heart and without any regrets.

Exit Music

2005-11-22T23:51:00.000+08:00

Wake from your sleep,
the drying of your tears,
Today we escape, we escape.

Pack and get dressed
before your father hears us,
before all hell breaks loose.

Breathe, keep breathing,
don't lose your nerve.
Breathe, keep breathing,
I can't do this alone.

Sing us a song,
a song to keep us warm,
there's such a chill, such a chill.

And you can laugh a spineless laugh,
we hope your rules and wisdom choke you.

And now we are one in everlasting peace.

We hope that you choke, that you choke.

Tell me

2005-11-20T23:53:00.000+08:00

我們能否永遠像昨晚般甜蜜？你是否願意永遠跟我熱戀？愛我請不要再傷害我，並在我耳邊說：「我願意。」今天沒有找你是因為我也害怕。不只是你，我也感到害怕的... 讓我們互相給予對方安全感可以嗎？

But deep inside I really really miss you and was just waiting for a message from you for the entire day...

I need to find...

2005-11-17T19:46:00.000+08:00

Lord I need to find someone who can heal my mind...

...

2005-11-15T19:15:00.000+08:00

"You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other."

I told you you might not not be perfect but you're pefect for me. But what I didn't realize is how about the other way round... You're perfect for me but I'm not your perfect one...

What is love?

2005-11-15T17:36:00.000+08:00

I once thought I found love... but now I realized it was all an illusion...

Maybe love is too deep for me to understand...

大嶼山及恐怖 SMS

2005-11-13T15:55:00.000+08:00

經過昨晚我決定以後也盡可能不要再喝醉酒，hangover 的感覺很差，頭痛得很厲害。醒來時才發現原來自己在半小時內喝了 1/3 枝 Smirnoff，難怪... 但能夠遠離市區感受一下大自然及純樸的生活也很不錯。多謝朋友們的照顧及關懷尤其是 Michelle, Walter, Edmund, Robert 和 Kathy，Kathy 的 sms 完全令我明白到朋友的重要性，多謝。

離開時收到一個十分驚嚇的 sms：07/11 賬單已發出。自動轉賬金額 $ 1501.5 賬號 0412xxxx。

$ 1501.5!? No fuckin' way! This is fuckin' impossible... What should I do?...

最後，"Some very sweet drink" 好好笑...

Love without pain isn't really romance

2005-11-12T11:56:00.000+08:00

或許我應該開始學會習慣每個早上電話仍是閃着藍燈的日子。或許我應該開始學會習慣開啓 msn messenger 時看不見你傳來的來電震動。或許我應該開始學會不再每天定時閱讀你的 blog 及 history。或許我應該開始學會習慣不能再說我愛你。或許我應該開始學會以後不要再緊張你。或許我應該開始學會習慣不能再每晚作你的聆聽著的日子。或許我應該開始學會不要再愛你。Love without pain isn't really romance. I still love you...

忙

2005-11-09T23:11:00.000+08:00

已有一段時間沒有 update 這個 blog。最近一直忙於 UCAS 及 IB 的事情，都抽不出時間去記下自己的感受... 而且有太多太多的話想說，只怕沒有機會，沒有時間...

But there are some words I can't miss:
1. Happy birthday to Robert and Kathy.
2. I love you. Thank you for your cute and sweet poem...

Baby...

2005-11-01T23:46:00.000+08:00

無論發生咩事，我永遠都會企係你嗰邊，記唔記得我地啱啱識既時候你每晚都會同我分享你既煩惱，而我從來都冇離棄過你，以前冇，宜家，永遠都唔會。

就算全世界包括你自己都睇唔起你自己，我都唔會睇唔起你，我都會繼續關心你，繼續愛你。你永遠係我心目中都會係最美既。

用白話文寫係因為呢段嘢好個人，好真心，唔用白話文我會唔識表達...

47 個蘋果

2005-11-01T00:29:00.000+08:00

我承認這段關係的確令我在某些事候感到十分難受，我亦承認曾在這數天內想過也許是時候結束這段關係。但我卻做不到... 因為我對你仍有 47 個蘋果這麼愛。而且我想信我們彼此亦十分雖要對方。縱使你的 msn messenger list 及電話牆紙很討厭。

Submarine

2005-10-30T04:07:00.000+08:00

So you're the fuckin' submarine now huh? So even msn messenger would be short of battery? Nevermind... Maybe I dived too much before and I'm just suffering from what I did to others...

Baby...

2005-10-30T04:02:00.000+08:00

Spent an hour reading your whole blog and xanga. This is actually the first time I read your xanga seriously. It's funny to see my name appearing in early December. When did we knew eachother? I've forgotten already...

Baby I'm sorry... I never understood how much pain you were going through. I feel really sad when I was reading your xanga. I regret for not to appear ealier. I regret for not being with you when you were suffering. I regret for letting someone hurt you that much. I regret for not giving you love when all you had is jealousy and hatred. I regret for letting you cry. I regret for not being with you when you can't sleep even after having pills. I regret for snubbing you for so many times. I remember telling you only true love can save a person when you were heartbroken, I hope one day you can really love yourself and others. Even though I might not be the one you truely love but please love yourself. Baby don't hate and envy anymore. I want to hold you right now. I want to hold you in my arms and tell you I love you. I will never let anyone hurt you anymore. And I'll never let you leave in such an easy way. No I'll never let go of you.

Then it went to the "mari" part... All I wanted do is to break the monitor lol. Espeically when I saw "marry me, mari!". Well maybe true love always includes a certain extent of jealousy I guess. :p

Interesting...

2005-10-27T22:41:00.000+08:00

How Do You Live Your Life?
You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

Your Seduction Style: Sweet Talker
Your seduction technique can be summed up with "charm"
You know that if you have the chance to talk to someone...
Well, you won't be talking for long! ;-)

You're great at telling potential lovers what they want to hear.
Partially, because you're a great reflective listener and good at complementing.
The other part of your formula? Focusing your conversation completely on the other person.

Your "sweet talking" ways have taken you far in romance - and in life.
You can finess your way through any difficult situation, with a smile on your face.
Speeding tickets, job interviews... bring it on! You truly live a *charmed life*

Vanness?

2005-10-25T21:17:00.000+08:00

三天內居然有三位不同的人說我像台灣過氣偶像組合 F4 的吳建豪，只是眼睛比他大... 不曉得該笑還是哭，只能感到陣陣的無奈，心想：「似都似個靚仔 D 喇！」

笑的理由

2005-10-24T23:06:00.000+08:00

由2005年10月5日至19日，透過地鐵資趣台及乘客資訊顯示系統邀請地鐵乘客分享笑的理由，乘客可把笑的理由以手機短訊傳送至 6774 3134（中文訊息不超過三十字，英文不超過五十個字母）。地鐵公司、紀曉華先生及微笑行動將選出最出色的五個理由，在資趣台及乘客資訊顯示系統與其他地鐵乘客分享，得獎的乘客將獲得由紀曉華先生送出的「帶著笑」購物布袋一個。

It's you. You are the reason behind my smile. "It's not about being perfect, it's about being perfect for you." Stop telling me you're not worth loving. I know you're nowhere near perfect but you're the perfect one for me. I love you. Make me smile everyday.

State of Confusion

2005-10-24T22:55:00.000+08:00

...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
sajdolashfoiu409v60 nu89ryg9y986*&)^$#)*NUB UIT&yhdskfjy9*Y(*P^T8o ye9s

Before Sunset

2005-10-22T00:23:00.000+08:00

"Before Sunset" reminds me of being deeply in love with you... What a great movie. Complex in simplicity. Totally stunned when it ended, couldn't believe that it was going to end like that, probably one of the greatest endings ever in contemporary cinema. Watching the movie feels like true love, it's not drama, it's not fictional.

Ms Yang's Chinese Homework

2005-10-17T23:08:00.000+08:00

Kathy: Hey... I need to write a love story. Give me a start.
evergreen2: Once upon a time... In a galaxy far far away...
Kathy: ........................................................
Kathy: A love story of my chinese hwm honey.
evergreen2: 我把香煙放進口腔內深深的吸了一口。尼古丁及其它化學物品混合而成的氣體從我口腔穿過氣道直接進入肺部。我喜歡抽煙。它能在我過份感性的時侯時使我變得清醒，或在過份清醒的時侯時使我變得更感情用事。這一枝已是這個晚上的第 47 枝，我並不了解 47 這個數字有什麼意思，只是忽然間想起...
Kathy: ...Did you make that up yourself? OMG~

而我的中文功課則是《一件很可惜的事情》。被 Ms Yang 的小學式作文題疲勞轟炸了整整一年半已開始感到有點兒身心麻木...

...

2005-10-15T16:30:00.000+08:00

If we could see tomorrow then what of your plans
No one can live in sorrow ask all your friends
Times that you took in stride they're back in demand
I was the one who's washing blood off your hands

I know the things you wanted they are not what you have
With all the people talking they are driving you mad
If I was standing by you how would you feel
Knowing your love's decided and all love is real... baby

I thought I could live in your world as days all went by
With all the voices I've heard something has died
And when you're in need of someone my heart won't deny you
So many seem so lonely with no one left to cry to baby

And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight

Don't Cry

2005-10-15T11:02:00.000+08:00

Talk to me softly there is something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow and please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've been there before
Something's changing inside you and don't you know

Give me a whisper and give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now and please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you and the times we had... baby

And please remember that I never lied
And please remember how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way but you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow come the morning light now baby

And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight

...

2005-10-14T14:08:00.000+08:00

It felt comfortable, a sort of relief, when tears came out from my eyes. It was at that point when I realized how long since the last time I cried. 4? 5 years?

Crying in the train station is embarrassing, I tried to stop myself and I actually succeeded. But maybe I should have just let it go. Just let it all out.

My Burberry Girl

2005-10-11T19:05:00.000+08:00

I love you sweetheart.

Matt Pearce

2005-10-09T22:28:00.000+08:00

中環大廈掛「六四」橫額「蜘蛛俠」控滋擾 2005年10月1日

【明報專訊】稱為港人爭取民主、於去年戴毛毛馬頭在馬場狂奔的英藉男教師Matt Pearce，再次因「扮鬼扮馬」惹上官非。他於今年「六四」前夕，扮蜘蛛俠攀上中環鬧市大廈外牆，掛上「平反六四」橫額，因而被控對公眾造成滋擾罪。他否認控罪，案件將於10月5日轉介沙田裁判法院再提堂，屆時法庭考慮將此案與「扮馬案」合併處理。

稱蜘蛛俠打扮象徵公義

一身唐裝打扮的Matt Pearce，昨現身法庭東區裁判法院，與蜘蛛俠打扮的女性友人一同拉起寫上「天安門的受害者應得到公義的平反」橫額。他指，穿唐裝為切合「六四」，蜘蛛俠打扮象徵公義。

他透露「六四」事件發生時，仍是年輕人的他，對電視中震撼畫面難以忘懷，他認為中央政府應盡快向公眾道歉及承認錯誤，並對事件中的受害者作出賠償。他又稱，香港的年輕人應鼓起勇氣，積極參與政治，將意見表達。他指，不擔心訴訟，會堅持為民主、公義，繼續披上不同「戰衣」。

Matt Pearce昨被控於本年6月3日，非法攀爬上中環皇后大道中陸海通大廈外牆大電視頂部，對公眾造成滋擾。他去年曾因頭戴毛毛馬頭，闖入沙田馬場跑道，繞場跑一圈而被票控兩項在公眾地方擾亂秩序，案件於10月21日開審。他在庭外指，將會在審訊期間，向法庭訴說公義及平反六四的重要。

End of CAS Week

2005-10-08T23:44:00.000+08:00

Rock School was alright, performance was "better" than expected though it's nowhere near "good". The bad thing was that Karma Police was cut though I understand that we didn't played it that well in the rehearsal. Thank you Rob, Angel and Mr Harris.

Last night was really sweet, I want to write down everything but I can't. Not now at least but I got to say thank you for spending such a night with me.

Too Much

2005-10-06T22:24:00.000+08:00

There are too much to write but not enough strength. "Love without pain isn't really romance."

...

2005-10-03T00:51:00.000+08:00

最近不知為何總會時常想起一首很老土的英文歌，不曉得是第六感還是什麼，但真的十分十分十分應景。

That's Why (You Go Away)

(Jascha Richter)

Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
but there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong...

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong...

也許今次我己把我的弱點完全暴露出來，但在應該瀟灑的時候我還是會瀟灑的處理，我不希望把自己變成一個死纏爛打很 bitchy 的男人。I'm not gonna ask you why, I'm not gonna ask you anything. it's just a game afterall. Please don't find me anymore if you don't love me. Please don't call me; don't even message me if all you said were lies. But I will always remember for the rest of my life that today I got hurted by a girl called nutnut.

Sorry

2005-10-02T01:27:00.000+08:00

You made me speechless. What am I to you? What are you thinking? Were you serious when you told me you love me and miss me? Maybe I should just let go of you and let you go home and sleep with another guy. Maybe it was all wrong. Maybe everything you said were just funny jokes. Yes they were very funny, black humour huh? I'm a human afterall, I have feelings. I'm sorry I took it seriously.

A Piece of Cake

2005-10-02T01:14:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 12 recieving a call from Victoria and Kathy. Thank you Victoria for the dinner and thank you to Kathy and Burns. I don't really know what to write down since nothing much really happened, but there are days in my life which I don't want to forget and all I can do is to jot them down.

What a Nice day

2005-10-01T20:42:00.000+08:00

Didn't sleep the other night. Went to Ma On Shan from Tai Lam at 6 in the morning. Swimming gala was crap (apart form vic and kathy :p). Had lunch in Sha Tin. Went home and slept for 4 hours.

Damn my life is so meaningful and full of sunshine...

I love you

2005-10-01T20:05:00.000+08:00

Not because you're nice to hug, not because you smell good, not because you're sweet and not because you're beautiful.

I just love you because I do and this is all I can say. I've never said "I love you" seriously to anyone. You're the only one. Trust me.

有些人...

2005-09-29T22:07:00.000+08:00

有些人我是永遠不會明白的。是他們天生那麼白痴？還是後天腦部營養不足所至？但他們的父母應該是很疼愛他們的，營養三餐應該不成問題，那究竟是什麼原因？這個問題的確令我百思莫解... 他們說話時有沒有想過別人的感受？有沒有想過後果？或許平日的我是個隨和的人，或許是我太 sensitive，但這世上有種東世是叫 respect 的，你不尊重我，我也不會尊重你，十分簡單。

唉... 算吧。或許他真的是個在溫室下長大而極之單純的男生，我就以我的智慧及氣量原諒他吧。但你的說話的確令我十分不爽...

Happy 19

2005-09-29T21:22:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Davide! Life is beautiful...

Daily life

2005-09-25T03:38:00.000+08:00

Ten minutes ago I was in the washroom washing my face, I took off the headband and looked into the mirror and I realized my hairstyle was the type like Leonardo Dicaprio a few years ago... Then i thought... Wow this guy infront of me is fuckin' hot... I started to look for a cigarrete cause I think hot guys with evil eyes holding a cigarrate is really really sexy but I failed, too bad mom took them away with her... I'm a non-smoker by the way.

Realization

2005-09-24T01:53:00.000+08:00

Today I have realized things that I had never realized before, the sky suddenly looked so beautiful when I sat on the grass. I look at the sky everyday, but it has never been as beautiful as tonight. I can still image the clouds moving with moonlight shining behind them.

My "Taxi Driver" and "Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind"... I was planning to watch them this weekend but now I cannot. But I guess that is not a bad thing afterall.

I really want to watch "Cinderella Man" and "Corpse Bride"... Hope I'm not going to get snubbed this time...

It's a sort of psychological sickness you see? I am not "sick" as in being "sick" but I am "sick"... Do you get me?

It just doesn't feel great when you had just spent a beautiful day with a cute girl and then you realize that the next thing she's gonna do is to go home and shag with another guy...I don't mean I'm falling for her but you know...it's just unimaginable...

...

2005-09-23T22:52:00.000+08:00

I want to be normal
would you understand me?
Easy and simple
just like flowers beautiful

Beautiful I know I am
but won't you understand?
Keep up with me
and i shall be free

This is pure bullshit
no poetry nor literature
just shit but that's me

Charmless man

2005-09-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

我開始為自己的燒雞翼技巧而感到有一點點自豪...連 Victoria、Min 及 Yvonne 也讚呵呵呵呵...但Kathy 居然...我的雞翼！

最近感覺到一點病徵及先兆，evergreen2 不要墮落不要墮落不要墮落不要墮落...

Components of my life:Music - 60% Film - 40%

and now begins the story of a charmless man...

忘記他

2005-09-19T22:50:00.000+08:00

假如要我送你一首歌，那一定會是這一首。還有一定要是關淑怡版本。

「忘記他

忘記他等於忘掉了一切
等於將方和向拋掉
遺失了自已

忘記他等於忘盡了歡喜
等於將心靈也鎖住
同苦痛一起

從來只有他 可以令我欣賞自已
更能讓我去用愛
將一切平凡事 變得美麗

忘記他 怎麼忘記得起
銘心刻骨來永久記住
從此永無盡期」

Words

2005-09-19T22:43:00.000+08:00

"Its only words and words are all I have to take your heart away"

Words are bloody useless; language itself is useless. It's so limited and shallow. Some say love is simple but no how come I can't find a language which can fully explain love? No language can fully explain grief. No language can fully explain anything. 你我都是「失語綜合症」病患者，感情對我們來說是 unexpressable 的，所以我們能成為朋友。每次看王家衛的電影也會有這種感覺。面對情感只懂啞口無言，做出匪夷所思的行為，但我不是梁朝偉，沒有 happy ending，沒有王菲，也沒有金像獎。

思念

2005-09-15T23:36:00.000+08:00

今天上堂時有人提到：愛情是源於思念。就是說，當你不知不覺，無時無刻下意識地去思念一個人時，也許你已經愛上了他。Is that true? I have no idea...

「思念」一詞帶一點點怨，又帶點恨，很有老土民間故事的感覺。我承認我頂多只是會忽然想起某某人，「思念」這詞對我來說還是怨婦味太重，有點吃不消。也許是我害怕思念人，又或許我已忘記什麼是愛。

什麼是愛？太 philosophical 了這個問題...

Walter's Kaaaiiisss Collection VOLUME 1

2005-09-14T23:01:00.000+08:00

Words of wisdom
1)我要寰遊世界！
2)摩門教其實神都係人...
3)百事血

Crap but ridiculously funny
1)Dinosaur
2)Mr Higghite
3)Burning Water
4)Chris Barton and Chris Martin
5)托住支炮去 PE
6)木村武

Pure crap
1)Pluto...

Memories

2005-09-13T21:43:00.000+08:00

「不知何時開始，每個東西上面都有一個日子，秋刀魚會過期，肉罐頭會過期，連保鮮紙也會過期，我開始懷疑，在這個世界上，還有什麼東西是不會過期的？」

「如果記憶也是一個罐頭的話，我希望這罐罐頭不會過期；如果一定要加一個日子的話，我希望是......一萬年。」

Femme fatale

2005-09-13T16:55:00.000+08:00

黑髮，手執香煙的美女永遠是男性弱點的陷阱。她們永遠是 film-noir 電影中的女角，法文中的 femme fatale，性感但帶有危險性。她們是 70% 可可的 dark chocolate，外表吸引，帶有神秘感，味雖苦澀，但卻令人不能自拔地愛上它。

也許是男性動物天生帶有愛冒險的特質，總喜歡挑戰危險的 femme fatale，但住住結局也是悲哀的。就像 film-noir 的男主角一樣，什麼也難不到他，就是敗在一個黑髮美女手上。That's why I love dark chocolate.

The Best of Youth

2005-09-12T05:49:00.000+08:00

Watched "The Best of Youth" on Saturday. 「燦爛人生」這個中文名改得很好，看着電影再想起「燦爛人生」這詞總是感到一點點的 ironic。故事雖平淡但卻十分寫實，散發着一絲絲的平淡美。那種悲哀的感覺是來得十分自然，沒有一點煽情，一點刻意。或許沒有太多人會欣賞這種十分「歐洲」的電影。I want to say sorry to the girl beside me. Next time I promise we will watch a more entertaining flick such as "Corpse of Bride", especially when we are both admirers of Tim Burton :p "影藝 D 位又真係幾唔好坐既..."

Requiem For a Dream

2005-09-12T05:25:00.000+08:00

It is 4:57 at the morning and this is my first ever blog.

Yes it was a beautiful night. But it would be better if it was a Saturday night, do you agree? Saturday night do sound better than Friday night yea? We didn't dance and get car sick but at least you talked and smoked. "妙手仁心呢個 term 真係好貼切..."

Spent my Saturday night at home eating rice noodles rather than going to discos, casinos, peepshows nor freakshows. Rice noodles don't taste good but I guess it's good for sick people.

Flowers are always beautiful even though some might look ugly. 花的一生總是帶點遺憾的悽美，它們即使多美麗也逃不過凋謝的一刻，但我就是喜歡這種悽美的感覺。順帶一提，「凋謝」這詞本身也很美。